Do You Fear Regret?

Written on Christmas Eve

As I sit restfully this Christmas Eve with my back pressed gently against the chair in my parent’s kitchen, I hear my parents playing Christmas music from Youtube in their living room. Something they may not have known how to do with their Smart TV, if I had never shown them, lol. We are always learning from each other and they’ve taught me more than I probably realize. 

Moving on from being sentimental, I feel good right now, like an elf sipping eggnog on a pile of snow, and it’s the night before Christmas even though it feels about as Christmas as a jamacian drinking rum runners in the Arctic. I’m feeling jolly, with a whisky ginger nestled in my belly and the shot of whisky my dad and I took before we went for a walk through Downtown Clarkston in Michigan. The shot was my idea and my dad whispered to me, hurry before your mom sees and yells at me. Don’t worry Dad, you’re over 60. We need to get into trouble while you still remember my name! 

Soaking it in Before You Die 

My parents have preached it several times during my life, saying, I’m going to enjoy life, I’m going to have a drink or take this trip because you only live once! You only have one life!

I think their perspective on living was heavily influenced by my near death experience as a teenager and surviving two brain bleeds. It was as difficult for them and more devastating in real time because they were conscious during the most trivial moments. I was basically a plant half dead that you pay close attention to, watering it as needed and giving it proper sunlight in the hopes of it not dying.

 Luckily I survived with many ups and downs but I Lived to fight another day!

Do it while you’re still Alive 

I have been narrowing my focus on my goals and succeeding doing things I actually want to do. This blog BrainTalk has been a big part of that and it makes me feel so good when brain injury and brain bleed survivors message me saying how they were inspired by one of my stories. I’m learning to be more vulnerable with my storytelling because I’ve learned that many of the struggles I have are similar to other survivors! 

Speaking of goals

One day, hopefully sooner than later I plan to be living on or near the beach in the bahamas. If not the beach, I could see myself in China or somewhere in Europe like Amersterdamn or Italy and scaring myself by soaking in the unfamiliar. There’s something I love about being in new places that are unlike anywhere I’ve been before. Every now and then I like to drive, get lost and try to see what new things I discover before I become so concerned I whip out my phone and Google directions to find out where the hell I am. 

 

E.T phone home

As a brain bleed survivor who is trying to bring light to brain injury awareness I often feel like E.T. I say this because feel like I don’t fit in and my perspective on life and career are different from most. I’m tired of being concerned about planning for retirement and working a job I don’t enjoy. There’s too much life to live and I don’t want to look back when I’m old and wearing a diaper regretting my younger years and all the toilets I could’ve used. Like my parents say you only have one life to live! 

I don’t need a big home or fancy car, all I need are people and new experiences in new places that make me feel something. Anthony Bourdain always inspired me because he was doing exactly what I want to be doing. Now, I don’t need a TV show to do it but that’s the sort of life I want to live. Meeting new and interesting people from different cultures and breaking bread while sharing laughs and a few drinks.

Maybe not having a home would make me feel more at home? 

I can’t answer this but one day you may find me on the beach in warm weather with a drink in my hand and no regrets.

What do you fear regretting when you’re old and gray?   

Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health Mental health

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