WHAT It was LIKE TO BE IN A COMA

I bet if someone told you they were in a coma, you’d ask, what was it like?

Well, let me tell you, from my experience.

First off, I have to imagine being in a coma is different for anyone who has experienced it and all I can speak about is my experience.

It’s frightening for me to dig through my memories and compile the vivd images durinng that time because it was such a haunting and traumatic experience. Bringing back all those emotions can make me feel like I’m sledding down a mountain with no bottom in sight.

It can be scary, especially because I’m reminded of my brain injury everyday. There aren’t too many constants in my life except for family, friends, death, taxes and the ramofications of my brain bleed.

My story is unique and I’m going to share a sliver of it here with you. 

What was it like being in a coma? 

The truth is, I don’t remember much while I was in the coma. I was out cold with blood filling my head and damaging my brain. It was like poetry gone bad and the fact I’m alive and able to form sentences is a miracle beyond movies and novels. And if it were a movie, it’d be a horror film. My mom’s words.

On one hand I wonder why this happened to me and on the other, I’m like holy shit, this happened to me and I survived. I’m like a scuba diver who was dragged depths below the ocean and attacked by sharks and I somehow lived to talk about it.

 I’ve heard horror stories about people who didn’t survive their brain bleed and I wonder why I did?

Am I better off alive or dead?

 
Do I have a greater purpose or did I just get lucky? 

It’d be easier to be dead. Death seems peaceful like looking at water that doesn’t ripple. Although with death there are no memories to be had or experiences to be made. You’re the back of the last page of a book, blank. That’s kind of what it’s like to be in a coma. It’s like a blank page in your book or dare I say Momentary death?

 So, if I had to chose between a coma or death, I’d say they’re basically the same except when you die you’re dead and when you’re in a coma you may have the chance to arise from the dead like a zombie scratching and clawing for who you once were.

Who you are after you survive a coma is up for you to decide.  

Since, I’ve moved past the blank page I’m trying to write more about my life and story. It’s been a struggle, I’m not going to lie but I think life is hard whether you had a brain injury or not. We (Brain injury survivors) just have a few more challenges than your common folk. Like for me, I have trouble with my left hand and have challenges walking but seem to get around fine. I also have double vision so, I’m not starring at you, I’m just trying to figure out which head is your real head. Although double vision can have its benefits, like anytime I go on a date with a girl I feel like I’m out with twins.

Luckily, my brain is able to tune out the false image but I can still tell it’s there, especially if I’m tired. If that seeems confusing it’s okay. I’ve been trying to puzzle things together for awhile. 

So, what is it like to be in a coma?

It really is like momentary death because I don’t remember anything during it.